Some Cowboy Advice for the 2011 Freshman Class of Congress

Wednesday, January 19, 2011
by Patrick Dorinson

We've got a whole bunch of newly minted members of Congress fresh off the campaign trail and now settlin' into the Capitol.

Here is some cowboy advice for the 2011 Freshman class of the United States Congress.

·         If you start thinkin’ you’re person of some influence, try orderin’ someone else’s dog around

You are just a member of Congress not a potentate and remember not to listen to the sweet talk of lobbyists and the other charlatans who populate Washington. Listen to the folks that put you there.

·         Never pick a fight with a porcupine.

In this case substitute “media” for “porcupine”.

·         Never lose your way home.

You are not from Washington so don’t get too cozy there. Your district is what you should care about not getting on CNN or FOX or getting invited to fancy dinners at restaurants you could not afford back home. The lobbyists only take you to dinner because they want something not because they want to be buddies.

·         Find the problem before you find the solution.

Washington is a place that is full of solutions to imaginary or made up problems from think tanks and pundits. Don’t listen to them. Not every solution has a problem.

·         Never do anything that will make you afraid to look yourself in the eye.

You will be away from your family a lot. Don’t chase women, get drunk in public or lie to anyone especially your spouse. The ties of marriage aren’t slip knots. See John Ensign.

·         Talk less and say more.

This one is self-explanatory. And it is something desperately needed in Washington.

·         The loser in a fight ain’t necessarily wrong.

You won’t win every legislative battle but if you believe you are right keep on fightin’.

·         When you’re heading down a long road with a heavy load, don’t look back, and don’t look too far ahead. Just keep taking it one step at a time and you’ll get there.

You are looking at staggering problems facing America and you can’t fix it all in two years. The voters will judge you by the progress you make if you do it right.

·         Too much debt doubles the weight on your horse and puts another in control of the reins.

Cut spending as quickly as you can to reduce our debt. I am tired of the Chinese controlling the reins and I am too old to learn Mandarin.

·         Honesty is not something you should flirt with—you should be married to it.

Google Charlie Rangel and John Ensign—again-- for guidance.

·         Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’.

Don’t get on your high horse about earmarks and spending and then quietly make sure you get yours. That is a load of cattle crap. And the voters know it.

And finally…

·         Sorry looks back. Worry looks around. Faith looks up.

Even a member of Congress should know what this one means.

Good luck…you are going to need it!